Answer!

I told Nate last week that I've become a big fat lame-o.  And he didn't disagree with me, so it's true.

I used to be really fun (I think).  You know, like, life of the party, "I ain't never had too much fun," I'm-pretty-sure-most-of-my-college-colleagues-just-thought-I-was-a-crazy-person, person.  Currently, I could be classified as a stick in the mud, Debbie Downer.  (WaaWaaaWaahhhhhhh)

I've been praying about it, because really, the weight is pretty overwhelming.  So I thought praying was a better alternative to running away, which I have contemplated...   After much soul searching deliberation and scriptural study, I have the answer.  Straight from God, to me.

LIGHTEN UP.

The truth is Nate's gone a ton, my daughter is totally awful most of the time, my son is starting to take after his sister, including hitting strangers, the dog poop winds up in my house via my kids shoes, the bathtub is not draining, my car got a flat twice this week and I'm totally over budget because of the amount of time we've eaten out this week because I don't want to do dishes.

So there.

However.

Not once does God tell me to worry about this stuff; that if I wallow away in the hard stuff, I'll be all better.  He does tell me to be thankful.  He does tell me that my husband, my kiddos and even the other things that don't matter are gifts from Him.  And I'm treating my gifts like burdens.  Now that's just crazyness!  So I've really got to lighten up.  I'm going to enjoy my husband and my kids.  I'm going to be thankful.

I want to follow Jesus because He's joyful, grace-filled and forgiving.  I want to be  a wife/mommy who is joyful, grace-filled and forgiving.  Don't know why I'd ask my kids to respect anything not like Jesus, or my husband to be madly in love with anything not like Jesus. ("Oh baby, don't you love the way I complain about our life together and spend all our money at restaurants so I don't have to wash dishes??  Hubba, hubba!"). And I'll do everything I can to make things right and good, but if things don't turn out to be right or good, I won't wallow (Yes, that is MY kid who flips out every Sunday at church.  Loudly.  For a year and a half).

So, I'm thinking a lot about ways to be thankful and to teach my kids to be too.  I'm going to laugh at the comedy that is raising my children  and the gifts.  Soooo many gifts.  I'm going to drop the lame-o, and hopefully get back to erring on the side of making a fool of myself rather than bringing people down.  That's the girl Nate fell in love with in the first place, and I'm pretty sure that's who God made me to be.