How good do I want it?...

That begs the question, how much am I willing to pay?

It's true of food, houses, cars, education, clothes, cell phones, vacation spots, contrators, even haircuts.  You get what you pay for.  I've found this out the hard way many times during my life.  If a guy charges minimum wage to drywall a room, you're going to have to hire 3 guys to fix what the first guy did.  A 'great deal' is rarely the amazing find you think it is, and if you want a good porterhouse, you just have to pay $15 a pound.  2.99 a pound equals not a good cut of meat.  But if you love a good steak, you're willing to pay, right?  And if you want the best haircut, it's going to run more than $10.

So why do I go through life thinking that a life following after Jesus is going to come cheap?  Go to church, be involved in a bible study, teach my kids some bible songs, maybe something else extra nice here and there, and consider my spirituality done.  Whaaa?? Really Katy? 

Here's the thing.  I KNOW what God told us.  'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the sake of the gospel will save it.' (Mark 8:34&35)  So, again, why do I think I can exsist in my safe and comfortable exsistence, doing what I want for me, put Jesus in my margins and expect that my life is going to result in something more than ... well, being comfortable, I guess?  Is that what I want?  Happy comfort?  Sometimes... like the past few years... I feel like that's what my life looks like.  That's what people would say if they looked in my windows on any given day.

Tell you what I REALLY want.  A life that looks like Jesus' did.  Because I love Him that much.  Even though He was God, he chose to walk around in a human body loving crazy and sick people.  Talk about cost!  And then died, for no good earthly reason.  But for a really good heavenly reason.  I wand to give up my comforts and expectations and (yikes!) control so that God can do through me what He wants, not what I think is the best. And yes, those are big costs.  And not easy ones.  And I don't know what that looks like, and there's a good chance along the way people may say, 'there's not a logical reason at all for why she's doing that.'  But there will be a really good heavenly one.

And I just needed to remind myself of that today.  So thanks for listening ;)